Why do I feel stuck in life and how to change it?
Is this you? Do you wake up in the morning at the same time every single day, go on your phone, make a cup of coffee, shower, and then just get on with the day, day in day out? You are stuck on autopilot and before you know it, every new day is the same as yesterday. Do you often feel angry, frustrated, sad, or simply just numb? Do you long for that feeling of excitement? You know that feeling when you have booked a holiday and you have something to look forward to, or your birthday is just around the corner? But those events are the only thing keeping you sane. Do you feel unfulfilled in your job? You know you want to leave but you have no idea what do instead. These feelings suck! Trust me I know! I've been there I've done that. This tends to happen when our thoughts are not aligned with our actions. It's when you know that you want more out of life. Something different, something that will get you up in the morning with a smile on your face.
But what do we do when we know we want a change but we don't exactly know what that change is? How do we get unstuck in life whilst ensuring that we end up on the right track?
First thing you need to know is that it's never too late to start. No matter how old you are, no matter how much or how little experience you have. With the right ingredients, you can do and have the life you always dreamt of!
So how do we get unstuck in life?
Step one - Find out what you want.
If you already have a dream or goal in mind but you simply haven't done anything about it, then you can skip this step.
To find out what your passion is ask yourself the following questions. Take your time to think about your answers. It doesn't have to be perfect, it might pop into your head straight away or you might need a couple of minutes to think about it. Just remember there are no right or wrong answers and don't rush!
1. Recall a time when you experienced heaven on earth. What was happening?
2. Imagine you have a magic wand and with it you create heaven on earth. What is heaven on earth for you?
3. What simple easy concrete steps will you take in the next 24 hours to create heaven on earth real?
This is enormously powerful because we often forget about our dreams because our focus goes to our responsibilities. We forget that we can live the life we want because we are too busy focusing on the bills we must pay or the people we must take care of. But putting all this aside will allow you to think how you normally wouldn't think.
Are you still unsure about what it is that you want?
If you're still not sure then imagine you have a 5-year long holiday ahead of you. I know this is very unrealistic but bear with me. So, image you have five years and unlimited amount of money. How would you spend this time? Of course, for a while you would be partying, travelling, and enjoying life, but let's be honest, humans are so adaptable and if travelling is not aligned with your purpose, you're likely to get bored eventually. So how would you spend this time? What would make you happy? If you had no stress and worries in the world where would your attention flow? Reflecting on the past might also inspire you. What did you enjoy doing when you were a child? When you had so much time and zero responsibilities?
I hope that after all these questions you managed to find out what your passion is, or you are at least a little bit closer to finding the answer. If not, I would highly recommend doing research. Right now we're so blessed with so many online classes, or move GP where you can go to many different activities for little cost. Go out there and enjoy yourself. If you do not know what you are passionate about, the likelihood is that you haven't experienced enough. So go out there and enjoy yourself! That should be your biggest priority at least for the next couple of weeks. Put yourself first!
Now that you know what your dream /passion is, let's figure out what has stopped you in the past from achieving this or any other goal.
Step 2 – Eliminate risk/negative beliefs/ anything in the way of your goal.
Think of a time when you failed at something that was important to you. This is good to know because if something stopped you before, it's necessary to make sure that it won't stop you again. A lot of us end up self-sabotaging. Because of social media and all these reality shows, we end up comparing ourselves to an unrealistic image of beauty, perfection and success. Because of our family, friends and the people around us, we picked up on tons of negative beliefs that have been affecting us for years or even centuries. Find out what these beliefs are and deal with them. On a piece of paper write down ‘negative beliefs about me’ and list as many as you can. This may be “I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I don't have what it takes” etc. Now, next to these negative beliefs write down positive beliefs. So next to each negative belief write down the opposite of that belief. For example, turn I'm not good enough to I'm always enough. These are your new affirmations. Affirmations are statements that will overtime change your belief system. If this is new to you then please be my guest and find out whether it works for yourself. The key with affirmations is to say it like you mean it and repeat at least three times a day, preferably shortly after you wake up and before you go to bed. Within three weeks you should feel more confident or whatever your affirmations involved. I know this can be a little bit weird if you have never done this before, however just try it. At the end of the day, you have nothing to lose. And the best thing is; imagine it will actually work! Imagine you could so easily change your belief system. Imagine how much you could achieve if you were confident, if you believed in yourself. Also, it's free, so you really have nothing to lose! Just try it for three weeks. Think about how you got those beliefs. Someone must have said something to you or done something to you or you must have heard something for you to think and believe the way you do. Affirmations is an easy, yet effective way to unlearn the negative stuff that doesn't serve us. It’s as simple as that. So don't overthink it, just do it three times a day at least for three weeks and don't have more than 10 affirmations.
Now that you know what you want to do and you're prepared mentally, it's time for goal planning.
Step 3 – Goal Planning
It's important to write down your goal/s because not having a goal is like driving to an unknown destination. Yes, you might have fun, you might see nice views but you won't get where you want to go because you don't know where you're going. That is why it's important to I have your goal written down and after that you can start with your goal planning. But writing down your goal is not the only thing, make sure you write it down strategically. The best way to do this is by using smart goal setting.
Smart goals are:
Specific
M measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Timebound
These are the criteria for smart goals and this is what you should be looking for when you're setting a goal for yourself.
So let's say your goal is to start your own business. This itself is not a smart goal because it’s very vague. So how do we turn “I want to start my own business” into a smart goal?
Let's start with specific. What sector is your business? Do you want to be a personal trainer, a hairdresser, have your own shop? Specify exactly what business it is. – I want to start my own personal training business
Moving on to measurable. Ask yourself “how will I know I have achieved my goal”. You could set up a business electorally within a week, but do you think your business is likely to be profitable in a week? Most likely not. So how will you know you've actually achieved this goal? Is it when you will be able to quit your job or when you will be making a certain amount of profit? Define exactly what the end goal is so you will know once it has been achieved. – I will have achieved this goal once I can do this full time and I’m making on average 4K a month
Attainable is all about ensuring that the goal is realistic. You can absolutely start your own business and become successful, however make sure that you give yourself enough time to get there. Also don't put pressure on yourself. We often overestimate how much we can achieve in a year and underestimate how much we can achieve in three years. So make sure your goal is attainable because otherwise you might end up feeling nothing but frustrated because you're not achieving your goal, so make sure it's attainable and realistic. – Is my goal realistic? Yes/No
Relevant is all about your reason why. It's great that you have a goal but make sure you have a deeper reason why. Just because you have a plan doesn't mean that things are going to go according to the plan. There is no success without failure, so things may get hard, and you may want to give up. It’s exactly in those times that you need to reflect on your deeper reason why. Why do you want to do this? Why do you want to run your own business? It could be because you want to be financially stable so you can pay off your parents’ mortgage. Or you want to provide your kids with the best education. Whatever that reason is, make sure that it will be strong enough to get you up in the morning even though it feels like the whole world again is against you. Have a strong reason why! – My reason why is helping my parents retire
Finally, the last part of smart goals is timebound. Have a time frame for when you want to achieve this goal. Again, please remember that your goal must be attainable, so give yourself the right amount of time that you will need to achieve your goal. Doing a little research at this stage won’t hurt. Have a look at other people that have achieved your goal and see how long it took them. – I want to achieve this within the next 2 years.
So there you have it. We turned “I want to start my own business” into “I want to start my own personal training business so I can quit my full-time job and have an income of £4000 a month so I can help my parents retire early within the next two years.”
With a goal like this you know exactly what the target is, how much time you have to get there and why you want it. This way you will be able to measure your progress, you'll be able to see where you are, and if you ever find that you’re not on track you can do something about it. You can strategically look at what it is that you are doing and see whether it's working. If your current strategy doesn’t work, you will be able to notice it and adjust quicker. Now of course just having a goal is not enough so come up with a plan of how you're going to get there. This is where you need to use micro steps.
Micro steps is cutting down a big goal into smaller, more attainable goals. For example, if your goal is to lose a stone within the next six months, break it down. Turn it into losing two pounds a month (for the next six months). This way you're not overwhelmed by the bigger goal and the bigger picture. Breakdown every single goal into small steps that you can add to your To Do List. The idea here is to have clear simple To Do List for everyday that will bring you a little bit closer to your goal. It’s all about baby steps.
Other simple ideas:
This will help you to get unstuck in life because we all have a purpose and not going after what we want has an impact on us. So working towards your goal will benefit you and your life because having a goal isn't even about achieving the goal as soon as you can. It's about the journey because now your thoughts, purpose and your actions will finally be aligned . So during this process just try to have fun. Try to learn as much as you can about you and about life. Find a role model. See how they got successful and see what you can learn from them. Surround yourself with positive people that will have your back. Also don't feel pressured to share your dreams with everyone if you don’t want to. You can keep it to yourself for as long as you want. Try to surround yourself with positivity whether that's listening to a podcast or happy music or simply cutting out negativity, because there is so much negativity at the moment that has literally no benefit to you whatsoever. So look after yourself, go after your dreams. Chase them until you get dizzy and have fun! You got this!